How to build a Calm Corner | What are they and why do you need one for your child?
Teaching our children how to recognize, identify, understand, regulate, cope with and communicate emotions is a life skill that they can use forever. One way that we do this, in our house, is a calm corner (some people also call these calm down corners). This post breaks down all the steps how to build a calm corner. In our home, it is a safe space for our toddler to learn about big feelings and how to cope. Typically we go with our toddler but they can go, by direction, or choice, to learn, deescalate, relax and so much more. They get used to and enjoy this tranquil space. Our child, when feeling frustrated or other big emotions, chooses to take themselves to their calm corner without prompting; after only a short time of having one. Showing how they are learning a life long skill of independent emotional identification, regulation, communication, coping skills and validation of their own feelings.
I would recommend a calm corner for everyone with children! If you are interested in how to build a calm corner we followed the steps below. Good Luck and Zen Vibes! Try my starter kit! $3.99
1. Designate a space that your child has easy access to, central to common living spaces and is physically different than the rest of the space.
Things to include are:
- Rug to show physical boundaries
- Comfortable place to rest, sit or lay
- Shelf for items such as books and loveys (listed in detail in step 2)
- Comfortable blanket to cover up if they are feeling the need
2. A calm corner should include grounding activities for your child, activities to help them learn and practice how to calm themselves down and label and validate their emotions.
Things to include:
- Sensory bottles
- Fidget toys
- Recycled bubble wrap
- Books about emotions
- Books about mindfulness
- Books about breathing
- Art materials
- Slumberkins and other snuggle options
- Scent and sight grounding activities
3. Set and clearly communication (with reminders!) rules with your child for their calm corner.
Rule examples:
- Always working towards being calm and safe
- You can go alone or we can go with you
- Do not break anything intentionally
- You cannot hit anything or anyone intentionally
- Label your emotions during and before leaving the calm corner
- Try a calming strategy or activity… if it doesn’t work try something new. If it does work label your current emotion and exit the calm corner.
- Only use the calm corner when you need it. Not when you are trying to avoid clean up time or sharing with a friend.
- Return to your activity after you are calm
4. Consistency is key! A calm corner can be a foreign idea and choice for both you and your toddler. With time, practice and consistent guidance it can change your redirection interactions with your child and help them understand how to identify, validate and cope with their emotions for life. A calm corner is not a timeout. It is a place to teach your child, help them validate their feelings, understand emotions and what to do when they have them.
For consistency and success:
- Guide them to use the calm corner at the first sign of upset. Do not wait until a full blown meltdown has started (if you can avoid waiting)
- Demonstrate using these activities yourself. Breathing exercises or the go to in our house for leading by example.
- Do not remove the child from their calm corner.
- Do not encourage them to leave their corner until they are ready.
5. Have an exit strategy. When your child is ready to leave their calm corner check in with them.
Follow these steps for check-ins:
-
- Have them explain how they felt when they went to the calm down corner, what made them feel differently (hopefully a tool/activity in the corner) and how do they feel now.
- Explain what it means for them to leave the corner and return to their previous activity. (Will they need to clean up the toys they threw in anger? Will they need to apologize to a friend?)
- Ask them directly “Do you feel calm and ready to return to your activity?”
A calm down corner is not only a game changer for you while addressing and managing the big feelings that our children have but a life changing tool for them to learn as well. As a teacher I see students all day long who have no tools to cope with the big emotions they feel in life. I’m seeing it day in and day out… our children need more. Even if you don’t choose to make a calm corner, please teach your children about emotions. What they are, that they are valid and to how to cope.
Their little beings have big feelings. I know it can be easier to use a screen (TV show, tablet or some other item) to let your child calm down because of distraction… believe me I know in the moment this can be easier. Sometimes it’s even a helpful tool as part of the process. If we can give our children the complete set of tools they need for life, instead of just distracting them in the moment, we should. Give a fish VS teach to fish comes to mind. For more information check out my post 4 steps to parenting a toddler who thrives!
Below is a free printable with a breathing technique to help your toddlers calm down and increase mindfulness. Positive Vibes your way!
One Reply to “How to build a Calm Corner | What are they and why do you need one for your child?”