6 Reasons to keep your child off social media and how to communicate your wishes
We made the very personal decision to keep our child and any potential future children off social media. In today’s world we are always comparing, judging and making decisions based on social media. Constantly seeing what others’ lives “look like” in comparison to our own is difficult to handle. Keeping up with the Joneses on a global scale. As a teacher, aunt, sister, friend, co-worker and coach I can see both sides of social media. We can promote athletes, keep in touch with friends and family around the world and learn about people in different ways. We can also be influenced to make decisions about what will look best on social media for the world to see versus what is actually best for our families (or selves). I have seen, many times, where someone takes a picture of their child and then immediately buries their face in their phone to see if it looks good enough so they can post it with the most clever caption… then missing those moments in real time. I know myself and my husband agreed… we don’t want to do that. In addition, I have taught one too many lessons in health class about the dangers of the internet for kids. With all that in mind, here we are with the decision for a social media free life for our child(ren). Having this conversation with family and friends was foreign to many, our boundary setting techniques came into play a lot. Eventually we got here. 19 months in and our child has not been on social media. Here is our list of reasons and techniques for handling the situation with loved ones.
Social Media gives people access to your child’s private information. Posting due dates, birthdates, birth sizes and measurements, personality types as they develop and evolve through life, their favorite color, movie, stuffy and so many other things gives the world access to this information. These are all pieces of information that could be used in the wrong way if in the hands of the wrong person. (Similar idea would be not to put your child’s name on their backpack and other things because a stranger could call their name out and make them think they know them). In addition, all this information is a great way for people to guess your passwords as their parents or guardians.
When your focus is to make picture perfect memories, insta worthy moments, it can cause choices that might be wrong for you or your families. Having the perfect outfits, locations and accessories all not only cost money but they take away from the authenticity of the experience. Taking a picture to remember a perfect moment is not the same thing as creating a picture perfect moment because it looks good. Soak in the moments and enjoy every second… time goes fast.
Your child can feel their appearance is first priority. This is an unhealthy trait throughout life that I am seeing more and more problems with as a health teacher. Students are telling me how they not only compare themselves at school and at home but they compare their houses, shoes, clothes, cars, plating of meals etc to people around the globe. No matter the economic status or family skills that are involved. For example; my sister and mother are two of the most talented bakers that I know. If our child is posted next to this beautiful birthday cake and their friends compare it to their less than perfect cake… it creates a judgmental comparison that is absolutely unnecessary. As adults, I sincerely hope, we can use our judgment and wisdom acquired over the years to create, and then perfect, our ability to differentiate from social media and reality. We follow people who make us feel empowered and unfollow people who make us feel less than. We can recognize when the perfect baker posts their cake that doesn’t mean your child’s cake was less than its means it was different. Young developing minds do not have this skill yet. If you find yourself resonating with the self comparison ideas, I suggest you also take a hiatus from social media and see your confidence skyrocket and your ability to live in the moment flourish!
By posting every moment of theirs, that we deem worthy or perfect, create an identity for them before they even know who they are going to be. We showcase their accomplishments, over-achievements, perfect smiles, medals and perfect lighting selfies. To later have them see the image of perfection you created that they now have to uphold. It’s a lot and a daunting prospect to stand up to this version of yourself that someone else labeled as perfect for years… that you maybe don’t look like any more.
Not everyone needs to (or honestly cares) about every single movement my child makes. Prior to social media, we wouldn’t normally share with the world every single time our child ate a new food, sneezed in the cutest way or just breathed in the perfect light. So why are we? In our home, we decided, if we don’t have your cell number to personally send you the picture or update… we felt it isn’t important to do so.
We all want to show people how amazing our tiny humans are. I promise I send pictures (too many) to my family’s digital photo frames, to my family chats and I send a daily email every day. Along with the picture perfect moments I send the real, raw and imperfect as well. The meltdowns, the blow outs, the new foods, the dr. visits etc. It is sent to the safety net of people who, do and always will, love our children unconditionally. A no expectations and judgment free zone. Show our littles they deserve to be who they are; the good the bad and the ugly cry faces and we love them always. I have added some of our successful and clear boundaries setting texts/phrases that we used below. Keep reading if you need some help in wording or a jumping off points off where to start for setting this boundary with families. If not thanks for sticking it out this far!
“We love that you want to show the world how proud you are of (insert name here). We are too! Who wouldn’t be… in our unbiased opinion they are literal perfection. However, we have made the choice to keep them off all social media, including family members accounts. We are absolutely ok with you sending those pictures and moments to your close friends through private text messages. Thank you for understanding and respecting our wishes.”
“Thank you for taking such interest in our families to notice our children’s absence from social media. We made a personal decision not to post about them, for so many reasons that we can explain if you would like. If not, can we add you to our group chat when we send out pictures if you want? Either way let me know! and thank you for respecting our wishes.”
“You are absolutely correct it is different that we choose not so showcase our amazing babes on social media. Although we are beyond proud to be their parents and we love them more than life itself we have decided not to share all of our intimate and public moments on social media. It doesn’t mean we care less… it just means we are keeping it more private. Thank you for understanding and respecting our wishes.”